Have you ever considered your body as "home?" Have you ever felt safe within it? I wanted to shine a light on the notion of body image within our society. Our society has ruined the word "confident" and instead popularized the word "insecure." Why? My whole life, I have grown up to be considered neither plus or normal, but what do these words mean? Why is it that normal means I can fit into a size 4 without the fear of tearing them apart, as I do my own confidence. I struggled to fit into a size 14 because some companies considered them "normal" while other labeled them as "plus." I never truly knew what number marked my body. I remember crying in fitting rooms because I would try on endless amount of jeans in "my size" that would never fit. The thought of sizing up terrified me because I never wanted to believe that I would gain weight, but we don't see is that one pair that is our size that does fit. We refuse to forget the numbers, and we cry as clothes look better on the hanger than our own bodies. I can remember the days where I believed that my body was the worst item that I could wear for the day. I would resort to hoodies that were too big to cover the body that I called a "mess." It was walking into the store and seeing the sale associate grimace at my appearance because they knew that I wouldn't find any clothes in my size. It was having to message people privately because I was too scared to announced my shirt size in front of the whole group. It was being too scared to grab a second plate because the people serving the food would leave comments such as, "Hungry today, aren't we?" I never learned to appreciate my body because society has told me multiple times that I had to have confidence post a picture of myself in a crop top or bikini. Why do I have to confident to show the world my body? It may seem like a compliment, but I take it as, "Oh, the fat girl is showing her rolls. She must be confident." I don't need the world to tell me I am confident. I need myself to tell me that I am confident. In this world, we see ourselves through numbers and letters based off of our bodies, but when will we learn to see our bodies as homes that are safe instead? When will we finally walk into a dressing room without fear of crying after we have left. When will we finally be able to love our bodies the way that we love our favorite color? I know this won't happen over night, but take a minute to remember the days that you did love your body. The moment you found your prom dress and didn't think twice about its size. The moment you posted a picture of yourself without using PhotoShop. The moment you cried because you found jeans that fit as if they were meant for your body. Remember these small moments that you finally came home. The feeling of ordering dessert and not feeling guilty. The feeling of letting your lover touch your stretch marks without flinching. The moment that you looked in the mirror and smiled. It is these moments that you need to remember, so the next time you see a number, your heart won't break. Instead, you will realize that your body is the home that you were given to live with, so wear the crop top, eat the ice cream, and post the picture. Learn to love your body, and forget about what society has to say. Because at the end of the days, you are more than the numbers you see. You are the owner of a beautiful body that deserves as much love as you give others. So you can say at the end of the day "To the jeans that don't fit, it's okay. I'll just find another pair."
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